Cry of Surrender

Cry of Surrender

“When the people heard the sound of the rams’ horns, they shouted as loud as they could.”

Joshua 6:20 NLT

Today was the day. After many months of evaluations and delays, we were finally here. As we sat in the office, the doctor confirmed what we had already suspected. Our son was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. It was not much of a surprise to be frank, but as the meeting continued, the reality began to settle. We had a very long road ahead of us.

Many things were mentioned. Some were expected, while others I admit I was completely blindsided by. “Prepare for your son to repeat in school,” the doctor said. “Because of how much his brain has to work, we do not encourage…” These words came with a punch, robbing us of the very breath from our lungs. I had to prepare for my son to fail, at least that’s what I heard. Tears ended that meeting, many of which I contained to myself.

The rest of the night I carried the weight of the news and what it meant for my family. My heart was broken, shattered even. My dreams of my son growing up “healthy and normal” were snatched from my hands. My mind was troubled, so troubled I turned to my devotional app to find solace, but what I found was a challenge instead:

“If you’ve had a bad year so far, a bad month, a bad week, or a terrible day, take it to the Lord (David Jeremiah).”

It is difficult to say what I felt as I drove home that night. It was late and I was alone as the words from the devotion pulled at my spirit. Like the men in Jericho, I was facing a wall. “Shout.” I kept hearing the word tug at my spirit. “Shout.” I battled. I couldn’t. I was afraid to shout and be broken some more. To shout out the pain. To shout at the wall that towered before me. It was too much to bear, even more was my fear to surrender.

How funny are we? We want to be healed, but we refuse the steps to our healing. We want to be whole, but don’t want the broken pieces to be touched. If we want to be free, if we want to be whole, if we want to be healed, we have to surrender.

I shouted.

Alone in the car with tears rushing down my face, I shouted. The pain that weighed me down I gave back to God. The peace I was longing, the breakthrough I needed, the healing came from that shout. I had to surrender my cry. I gave in and I shouted until I had no more to shout, and the wall came crashing down. I broke down in my car that night, but was no longer afraid, for my burdens were lifted.

Today is a NEW day. My son showed interest in yard work. He now orders his own meal when we go out to eat. Even tells the waitress the juice he prefers. Imagine that? He said a prayer when Mommy was sick last week. My little guy has a shout deep inside. And no wall, label, stereotype, or disorder will keep him from claiming what’s his. Can you hear it? He IS shouting. Perhaps you have a shout you’ve been holding. Your spirit is heavy. Your heart has been broken. Let it out. Shout it out. Surrender your cry and let God give you peace from every burden you carry. Shout.

“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” -Matthew 11:28

Guest post by Jayson P.

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