20 Mar Disinfecting the Heart
“He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.” Psalm 40:2 NIV
When I was younger, I HATED having alcohol poured onto a fresh wound. I would scream and cry to avoid feeling that pain. The pain of the wound was enough, and I would rather have felt that alone vs the wound with the addition of the stinging alcohol. I did not understand that the wound needed to be disinfected in order for the right healing to occur. At the risk of not doing so, I would experience more issues down the road. When you are 8 years old, however, the only thing on your mind is how that disinfectant will bring more pain.
I’m not old, but I can’t consider myself to be so young that I can get away with the naivety of youth. Now that I’m in my 30s, these past few years have resulted in much reflection and healing. I’ve looked at my ugly and also the beauty in my life. I’ve had a few regrets, but much joy and fullness. My life is not extraordinary, but it’s extraordinarily full of His grace. And I’m sure I’ll have more of these reminiscent moments as I continue to mature in age and wisdom.
One area of my life that I have been proactive in continuously surrendering to God is that of my heart. In my 20s, I took everything I experienced into the deepest areas of my being and would have a difficult time letting go. My memories would trigger hurts and wounds by others and by experiences. I remembered every wrong done to me directly or indirectly. Instead of walking forward, I would dwell on all I carried; which resulted in my walking backwards in certain areas of my life.
Regardless of my unhealthy grasp of painful memories and wounds, somehow, God found a way through to show me how my heart was in need of a good disinfecting. Clarity flooded in and broke through a darkness I was oblivious to. It was as if I was plucked from a deep, dry pit and placed on a bright canvas, full of color and life. Like the Allegory of the Cave by Plato, I was seeing the light and the reality of what really was in my life.
I was a broken, wounded young woman. If God had not intervened and brought me to His amazing truth and light, I would have remained in that deep pit. My life would have seen no change and negativity would have completely engulfed me, instead of the love of Christ I had accepted so long ago. As a result, things began to change. His grace not only overwhelmed me, but continued to shine through me. I did not stop at me. I began to look at those surrounding me and became purposeful with my actions. I wanted to be what Christ was for me: love and grace.
Today, God continues to mold and perfect my home. He continues to disinfect my heart. I truly believe this has to be daily. If not, the roots of all the wrong things can grab a hold without realizing until it is too late. Like the alcohol disinfectant, the process of disinfecting the heart hurts. But, as an adult, I now embrace this process. I refuse to become complacent in allowing the health of my heart to become infected. And sometimes, going through this process requires me to do things I may not want to do; yet, I know that I do not want to return to that dark pit that kept me bound from all things life.
He’s done it. He has saved like no one can. He has redeemed and restored as the God He is. And He will continue to do so in my life for as long I have breath, because I choose Him over all.