26 Sep Distortions
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here!”
2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV
I’ve been finding myself in a place, lately – a place where anything and everything I do seems to come back to me in an amplified way. It’s as if I’m being jolted by every action I take or every word I say. I guess I’m becoming more aware of how I can be perceived by others. I should say, “Finally!” I’m 30 years old. I’m not getting any younger. And I truly believe we all should be careful of our actions and words.
Just the other day, I had commented on someone’s post about a parenting topic. But, I couldn’t get my comment out of my head for 2 hours! I decided to delete it. Why? Because I sounded like a braggart. My intentions were the complete opposite. I wanted to encourage a certain individual. Instead, my choice of words distorted my intentions. Am I the only one?
All this thinking has brought me back to past memories. I remember being told once how I bragged a lot about what God was doing in my life. At the time, I was angry at what was being said to me. I remember saying, “Of course! Because it’s all about Him. You don’t see me telling you all my struggles, though. I’m only going to talk about the positive.” But, you know what? I get it, now. Maybe I should’ve realized this sooner. But, I’m getting it.
Presentation is everything.
I’m learning that I’ve presented myself in ways that do not reflect who I am. And for that, I’ve created distortions in others’ perceptions of me. In all transparency, this sucks. I want to be known for who I truly am, not for how my wording and presentation messes everything up. Maybe this is an introvert’s burden. I don’t know.
Jason and I were talking recently about a wonderful family we had just met. And I began telling him how as I was speaking to the wife, I kept hearing myself and realized I presented myself to be a “know-it-all”. Never my intentions. But, it happened.
I don’t like my presentation. And I’m going to do something about this. I think back at so many interactions with others and see how I’ve done this time and time, again. I understand more clearly why I am misunderstood and misinterpreted by others. Well, I don’t do a great job at presenting myself clearly.
But, I believe God is up to something. Any time I open my mouth, I feel as if I’m being smacked with a mirror to see what is actually coming out versus my intentions. I have thought of just going mute, but that doesn’t solve the problem, does it? Haha! And I also have children. I want to be a healthy example for them. I want to be the woman God sees when He sees me, not the woman I create with my wording of choice.
Of course, I definitely need accountability for this. And I’m thankful for my husband. He’s gracious (for the most part) in showing me when I am choosing the wrong actions and words. This is what I need to grow as a person, as a child of God. I cannot be stagnant. Without growth, death enters. And I don’t want to be a walking zombie. I want be full of life, learning and growing, daily. So, here I am – all of my imperfect self, diving in and committing to be the woman God calls me to be.