05 Apr God Said NO
God Said “NO”
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”
Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV
Recently, my husband and I were ready to make some decisions regarding an area in our lives. We had started to walk this path of “Yes” with this decision. However, we were stopped in our tracks by God. His answer was a big, fat “NO”. There were a number of emotions that I had felt that day. Oddly enough, I was feeling pride. Not the pride that has you in the clouds of selfishness and/or stubbornness. No, it was that pride you feel when you’ve accomplished something challenging and rewarding. I was proud of myself for how I was reacting to God’s answer.
That feeling only lasted an evening.
It hit me the next morning. I was making breakfast for the kids and trying to keep the tears in. The frustration, anger and bitterness came rushing out. They were trying their best to get a hold of me and my heart. I put on some music and tried to sing in worship to this God who gave me the answer I did not want. It was not happening. I stopped trying to sing (that can be a good thing for one’s ears) and just listened to the lyrics. My heart was heavy. I felt stuck…what a horrible feeling. It was in this moment of allowing myself to actually feel the emotions running in me that clarity kicked in. Clarity…so necessary. I allowed myself to show God what I was truly feeling in that moment. Me, myself and perfection would never have allowed that in the past. My vulnerability was there, and I gave it to Him. He saw me in that kitchen, trying to hold back the tears and not burn any pancakes. And He gave me that beautiful gift of clarity in that moment. It was in the form of a reminder. That evening before, I had mentioned to my husband that I’d rather be obedient to God than make a decision that wasn’t His for our lives. It is so darn easy to say that. Try saying that with a cheerful heart and a bright smile when you feel the walls are caving in. Try saying that when your humanly flawed logic is kicking and screaming, telling you that you will become stagnant and stale if you don’t move. And yet, His grace was there with me that morning. I felt all of this and I allowed Him to see it. I did not hide it from Him. I did not pretend anymore that I could be this perfect little Christian. I was raw and vulnerable in His presence. And He knew my need. He gave me clarity for that morning. He reminded me of my inability to see all the pieces of that big picture He has been painting in my life. He reminded me of the difference between my logic and His. And He reminded me of His supernatural abilities.
I cannot say that I wiped all of my tears away in that moment. More tears followed. But, I embraced them. Those tears are a part of who I am as a human. And those tears I’ve shed will remind me one day of a time where I had to surrender to God’s will and perfect plan. I know that it may seem we have to have it all together as followers of Christ. People are watching and talking. Some may want us to fail. Others may just be curious. And with the weight of it all, it can be so much easier in the moment to continue walking a path that may just be the very route that will bring the worse heartaches and disappointments. So…if He says, “No”, I know He means well. But, I also think it’s ok to shed those tears and show Him our true feelings about it. And perhaps in the not-too-distant future, another piece of the puzzle will arise and will bring more clarity to His answers over the decisions in our lives.
If you find yourself in a similar moment such as mine, cast those cares and all those feelings unto Him. The best part of who God is in our lives is that we don’t have to pretend. We can show Him our ugly and He will continue to be our God and loving Father.