In Sickness & In Health

Marriage Blog

In Sickness & In Health

In Sickness & In Health

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others about yourself, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others.”

Philippians 2:3-4 NIV

 

“Are you sick?” He asked me. “Yeah, I think so. My throat hurts.” “Yeah, I think so too, because your breath stinks.” He replied.

Now, THAT is marriage!

I met Jason when I was 8 years old. His mother was the children’s choir teacher at our local church. I didn’t think too much of him. My eyes were set on another boy. His family did not stay at this church for long and I would not see him again until 5 years later. Jason and I had a love/hate relationship from the beginning. We could not stand being in the same room together, yet, we also could not get enough of each other. I think those closest to us knew we would end up together in the long run. Well, it happened. We married young and our family began to grow.

We began this adventure of marriage with some baggage: unhealthy habits, dangerous mindsets and a good chunk of stubbornness from both ends. Marriage is difficult as it is. Imagine bringing things into this sacred covenant that do not belong. How do you get rid of these? You cannot just sweep it under a rug. Unfortunately, we were guilty of doing this. Confrontation was not something Jason was ever comfortable with. And I did not know how to confront without putting on my boxing gloves. There was a lot of growing up to do. We needed to confront and put to death things that were getting in the way of our marriage or we would not survive the journey.

Can I tell you that it has taken us up to now to have a healthy confrontational conversation? Why did it take so long to get it right? Because the defense tools that we brought into our marriage were not the right tools. But, that will be for another post on another day. We had to acknowledge that stubbornness and selfishness were reigning in our hearts. And as elementary as it sounds, we had to admit that we both weren’t right. And that is NOT easy to do.

Almost a decade and 2 children later, we are at a place in our lives where it’s just not comfortable. When God is in it, I don’t think it will ever be comfortable, really. He doesn’t allow complacency to become the norm. He is in the mix. In the Bible, one is able to see how God always finished what He started. It’s the same with our marriage. We entered this covenant in the sight of God. And He will see to it that this marriage will grow, blossom and succeed the way He intended for it. The only way this will happen is if we continue to surrender ourselves to Him, allowing Him to purge and mold us. It hurts. It’s not fun at times. We are putting to death the things in our lives that may be comfortable for us, but can hurt this precious marriage. We are taking the back seat for God to take the wheel of our lives. We cannot expect Him to take this wheel while we scream out the directions for Him to follow. No. We follow Him. Not the other way around.

There is STILL a lot of maturing for the both of us. It’s definitely a process. And like all processes, it can be long and difficult. But, God is our guide in all of this. We continue to learn about each other as we grow and change throughout the years. And we continue to relent and surrender to Him.

Amy Velazquez
relentlesssurrender@gmail.com
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